Kitchen Invaders

Those who know me best know that I love a good video game. I love silly cartoony games with lush scenery and improbable story lines involving gravity-defying leaps over chasms to jump on bad guys heads so I can rescue the princess or the fairy or save the world. I also have a weakness for killing aliens and mercenaries, especially if they have nefarious plans to overthrow the government or enslave the planet. There’s always time for a role playing game where I get to design my own character- an elf with greenish skin and bluish punk hair and can hurl a ball of painful magic at something nasty guarding a treasure. And honestly, just a plain old driving game, where I get to crash a small production supercar I’d never be able to own in real life over a wall in San Francisco to shave some seconds off my lap time. If I can shoot bananas at the guy in front of me, sending him spinning away so that I can take the checkered flag, it’s been a good day.

I’m not the most sophisticated girl out there.

I remember plunking quarters into an arcade game that, if I recall, involved getting rootbeer from the bartender to the correct patron. And other than the odd game requiring snacks to heal or fruit to score extra lives, I can’t really think of any that had to deal specifically with food. Frankly, unless an alien is trying to steal my secret muffin recipe and I’ve gotta use my plasma gun to shoot him to protect the muffins, I can’t really think of a good way to incorporate food into a video game.

So I’m not really sure that I’ll try The Hell’s Kitchen Game, even though the restaurant is called “Satan’s Slophouse”, which sounds like a craptastic old skool 70’s movie meant to be horrifying but is really snickery-funny, or even the anime-looking Happy Cooking.

Iron Chef America: Supreme Cuisine at least has the theme song going for it- I mean, how can you not want to charge the secret ingredient with a sharp Wusthof when you hear it? It’s fortifying like any good battle call. At least you get to play in Kitchen Stadium.

But where are the mercenaries? The kudos points for style? Can you find secret treasure rooms full of cupcakes?
However, as a touchstone of our times, you know you’ve made it when Tina Fey spoofs you on Saturday Night Live, or when you’ve been made into a video game. Check out Iron Chef Cat Cora, rendered in luxurious pixels for your Wii:

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